Friendship...

I called it a bad word earlier today, didn't want to hear it at all... But I guess it's an alright word... It just seems so final when you're chasing after a girl and she gives you the friend card, it can hurt... But really shouldn't our truest and deepest relationships be based on Friendship. I'm sure my folks describe each other as friends, my Bro and his wife friends, my grandparents -friends. So it looks to me as if friendship is more of a determining factor than dating... Heck with dating you're trying to impress the person still, you're giving this not entirely true sense of who you are, you're not exactly yourself. But when are we ourselves, I'd say when we're hanging out with friends, and when the friendship is deepened to a relationship it doesn't necessarily mean a romantic relationship... It just means that those two people in the friendship/relationship are there for each other no matter what, and I guess if that's a relationship, then I'm in well, it's gonna take a while to count it all out. I must be in 7 or 8 relationships, maybe more, but really what started out in all of those, friendship (okay all except one, which was a date and then we quickly went into friendship for reasons beyond my control)... This overwhelming theme in any of my true relationships is friendship. I'd say I have a relationship with many people, in Chico, back home, God willing I'll cultivate friendships and hopefully relationships in Palo Alto this summer.

So if there's friendship, that's the person you see every once in a while you like being with them and talking with them, and what not; but after a while when you are able to go (grow) deeper in your conversations, your understanding, your random hangout times, when you know you can call that person out on something they're not doing right, and totally would be alright with them doing the same to you. You can't force a romantic relationship, and really you can't force a true relationship. But honestly we should all strive to be not just another friend. Of course we fail sometimes, but truly being sorry about those times that we struggle, and fight, and fail. When we can't be there for a friend, that is when we must try harder...

I had a few friends over for dinner tonight, and after most of them left, one of them had stayed and we talked for a little bit... I like her and it's plain obvious, but by listening to her as a friend, and hearing her honest request for just a friendship. The word wasn't such a dirty word anymore... All it takes is time to develop a relationship from a friendship, and really honestly a friendly relationship is at least ten times more rewarding than something that is strictly romantic...

Now I'm not saying that there's no place for romance, or whatever, I'm just saying that we should be content with what we have. And that if it's God's will to change something it'll happen (another thing on that though is we have to be willing to hear God, because when he has to hit you with a 2x4 it ain't gonna be pretty, but if we can catch the whisper, it'll be that much better)... How many of you have prayed for guidance from God today? In the past week? Month? Year? How about prayed earnestly for someone else in your life? Did you pray for a romantic relationship and wonder why it didn't work? (I have) What if we prayed for a friendship? What if that was the goal? A relationship, based upon friendship... That to me is an amazing thought... I feel as if we're too busy searching for that next romance, or that next car, job, degree... And sometimes we're dreading as we search for those things, too busy focusing on the end, the next birthday, death... Then to focus on the journey with Christ and our friends, the relationships developed with those friends, and how/what our hearts are truly focused on.

So instead of listing prayers tonight, I'm going to ask you a couple of questions and suggest you think on those for prayers tonight:

• Did anyone tell you they weren't doing well today? Pray for them
• Did anyone seem to really care about you today? Pray for them
• Where was your heart today? Pray for it
• Where is God leading you? Pray for guidance
• Was there someone who could have cared less about you? Pray for them

One of my favorite ways to read the Bible is to sit down, close my eyes, and open to a random page and read what I find, amazingly enough almost every time I do that I find something so wonderfully comforting, sometimes, an awesome challenge. But EVERY single time I open it up like that I know I'm loved if not by anyone on Earth, by God in heaven, and honestly Earthly love or Heavenly love... I'm down for the Heavenly love any day of the week...

Dinner

Darn my cooking music... I always cook to love songs I don't know why, but I do, so I've been blaring the standards all morning, because I've been in and out of the kitchen all day. But now it's kinda depressing, not really, it's actually kind of funny, because Ol' Blue Eyes, is saying exactly what I was thinking not too long ago...

I tried out a new recipe to go with dinner tonight, and it's bad so, there's gonna be none of that... It was a good idea, but not well executed?

So the plan I heard was I'm going to be living with a family from PBC, which'll be a bit different for me, not because I'm not used to family living, but I'm gonna have to be more considerate of others, up here I pretty much run the show, but I'm going to be in a new situation, I think I'm gonna try to find out all the rules real quick, and stick to them... Does this mean I'll have to check in with my host family? I haven't had to do that since well June '07, and even then it was a hey I'll be at Kait's I don't know how long, but that's where I'm at...

I thought last night went well, it did, but apparently it's the dreaded F word, that I hate sometimes... I just wanna be F's; I hate the word and ya'll will laugh at me when you figure out what it is...

So Burgers for dinner tonight, a couple of them have a nice kick to them, and the other ones could use a bit of a kick, I gotta make a couple more though, just to be on the safe side... I've got 7 done, but I think I should make about 10 patties total... that should be good... Alright back to the kitchen, who knows when I'll be on next, let's hope we have a good soccer game tomorrow...

Amazing Grace, Game 7, and Tough Decisions

"Amazing grace how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me,
I once was lost but now am found
Was blind but now I see" -- John Newton

What an incredible thought, and realization that this song, these words could speak to so many people, no matter race, gender, creed. It is astonishing that God would grant us this Grace, that as said in the movie Amazing Grace, "I remember two things, ONE that I am a great sinner, and TWO that Christ is the Great Saviour" (choose your particular favored spelling of saviour).

I just realized something, totally off track from all of my thoughts but it was so wonderful I had to stop for a little while. The sound of silence... I'm not normally a fan of silence, but for some reason this is a comforting one, I'm able to hear my thoughts clearly, no background room mate noises, just the hum of the fridge, (which I could do without, but right now it's letting me know the power is still on so it's alright)...

"And you cry
My Child, my child
My child, my child,
My child, my child
I have forgiven you" -- Sean Jones (can I attribute something to myself; oh well just did)

Game 7 was great tonight Sharks jumped out to a 1-0 lead lost it but fought back with 4 straight to take the lead at 5-2, only a late goal got the Flames to a 5-3 game... JR had 2 goals and 2 assists tonight what a great game... It was such a great game though, if I lived in Montreal I might burn a police car, but I live in Chico, and we don't do that for the first round of the playoffs here... (Aw come on take the joke)...

Tough Decisions, I don't know where I'm going to be next year, my original plan was to come back to Chico, after my internship was up, but really I don't know if I'm going to be at Chico State, Butte College, or Yuba College (the last is if I move home which is a possibility)... I realize there's that point when you leave your folks house and grow up, but honestly I probably should've stayed in Marysville this year. I'm so glad I've made many friends up here in Chico, but just wish that I'd have been more careful with some of the decisions I've made. So I think I'm going to end up in Marysville, with my folks going to Yuba, hopefully with a job at my old store, or possibly at a Starbucks or some coffee shop down there, maybe both...

BUT
To focus on the positive for right now, I'm getting excited over a dinner at mi casa on Friday, maybe we'll sneak in a little hockey, while we're at it, because I hope these folks understand my love for that team. Health news I worked most of my shift today, sent home early due to the rain, and the fact that I'm not really available on Tuesdays or Mondays for that matter. My back is doing alright still in pain, but better. Maybe I can get my bro to buy us tickets to one of the Sharks Playoff Games coming up, I'd be down for a game on his dollar... So excited for Friday, second round of playoffs, and SLI! Oh I'm sure I can wait, but MAH! I don't want to, what'd be even greater is when SLI starts, the Sharks would still be in the hunt for the CUP! Although I don't know if that's how I want to meet people for the first time, hyped up on hockey it could be worse... couldn't it.

SLI Question

An interesting question was posed to me today by one of the guys in charge of SLI this summer, I have plenty of time to think on it. The question...

"What do I hope for from SLI this summer?"

I hope, I hope that God will show me more of his plan for my life. I hope that I adjust to the 70-90 degree weather and don't miss the 115 degree 7pm Gold Sox Baseball Games. I hope that I will have a lot of fun with new faces and a new place. I'm hoping that a change of pace, something new and different and challenging, will be beneficial to me, and that I can take these challenges and grow as a Christian. I hope that my health does not interfere with my position. I'm so amazed at the fact that God has granted me this opportunity. I could go on but I'd end up singing, and my room mates would look at me pretty funny if I randomly burst into a song, although by now they should be used to it...


PRAYERS

• Health; haven't been able to stand for more than 10 minutes today.
• Dad's job, starting tomorrow.
• Possible Relationship, that God works his way in my life.
• Class Scheduling; and possible new major.
• Mom's interview on Thursday.
• Hopefully insurance by the end of the summer.

Tonight

Was really good, I think... In fact my entire day was good, I got up took a bike ride, got home watched Monk, prayed, messed around online for a while, then headed out for another ride, played Ultimate at 4, came home showered ate some food, and headed off to pick folks up for Cat's party. My buddy was having issues but they seem to be semi resolved, hopefully they are completely resolved shortly... Tonight's party was just really fun, soccer, wrestling, apples to apples, golf (card game), Egyptian Rat slap (or whatever name you choose for it), spit (another card game), war, and since I lost almost everyone of those games to Aimee, she got all the spoils... Also I found out tonight that I'm going to be a CSO (Certified Sampling O...) at Jamba, which I'm not sure if it means pay increase I hope so, but it does mean that have to be on a conference call in the morning. So just a short round before I go...

"Good night to you all,
And sweet be your sleep,
May silence surround you,
Your slumber be deep,
Good night, good night,
Good night, good night"

Thurs

So this whole Bike/camping weekend will be harder than I thought, but that's why I'm starting to get into shape now, I cramped up a bit today, but just on the ride home. IV was wonderful, PLUS the SHARKS TOOK GAME 5 so it's a 3-2 Series lead for the SHARKS! I'm debating becoming a part of the servantship team of Intervarsity, it's gonna be some crazy prayer these next two weeks to figure out where God wants me. And now I'm watching re-runs of Parking Wars, ya'll should try it some time. Ooh and my buddies stuff tomorrow night cool-cool, Ultimate at 4, bike ride in the morning I'm gonna rock it...

Randomness!

So today was pretty good, although I should've found a place to crash at Craig last night considering I almost fell asleep a couple of times on my ride home, my maybe 5 minute ride home if I half to stop at every light. But I got home and got 14 hours of sleep, my gosh sleep is so wonderful and for the first time in a very long time I was out before 11, unfortunately I went to bed so quickly I didn't set my alarm so I didn't go to class today. I think I'm gonna get to the health center tomorrow or Thurs, maybe they'll give me something to knock me out.

Between 1 and 2 I decided I was going to go home and visit my folks get out of the area that is Chico, and be with my folks. It's becoming really hard on them, my dad is completely done with Landshark, which puts them at my mom's income which will stop in August, because her company lost the contract these are really crazy times, and scary times. I mean they're frantically searching for jobs, but my mom can't take too much of a pay cut right now, because she's supporting both of them. They figured out taxes and my dad only made $200 more than I did last year when I worked part-time at Jamba Juice, and he worked full-time delivering auto parts, so when the rear-end froze on my dad's truck he said f*** it (most likely not a direct quote, but knowing dad when his car breaks down) and ended his relationship with Landshark. Also my Sister-in-law Yvette lost her job on Monday, they called her into the office gave her a paycheck, vacation pay, and a bonus, because they had to downsize, but at least that equaled a months pay.

Hey! Sharks won tonight, came down from a 2-1 deficit late in the game to win 3-2 and to tie the series at 2 games a piece. So much fun watching hockey and being more at freedom to yell about it, living above the manager has made me a quieter guy when it comes to sports. Or at least it's tried to...

Now to the randomness so I decided to check out different blogs to see what everyone was interested in, just hit the next blog link at the top of the page (after you've read my blog of course) and see what else is out there. There's a 70 year old woman traveling the country, an American woman living in Taiwan teaching there, a lot of photographers, artists, designers, one had a picture of a KOA campground checklist, another of a license plate that say "WTF M8" it's CA registered so look for it it's on a black BMW, Ancient historical sites... If you think random people are interesting hit the next blog button...

My mom is realizing how much I love to cook, and loved the Apple Biscotti I made last week. It's such a stress reliever and can be a really fun time. Like the chicken last week, the biscotti, I don't know what's next. I hope the the fam I live with this summer let's me cook at least once a week.

PRAISES!

• Laura is home, she's back with her family, not living in Chat, with Coke users...
• Sleep
• Good time with family today/tonight
• Talking to my buddy Sarah

PRAYERS

• Laura being home
• More sleep
• Sarah and her family
• My mom and dad

CONCERNS

• Kaity
• My mom and dad
• Drew Kerns and his journey to Africa with AIA
• Ben Towne completed phase two of cancer treatment
• Logan working on phase 3
• Friends with new Beau's, old Beau's, and everywhere inbetween
• Insomnia

2008 Jacksonville Jaguars Schedule and Predictions

2008 Schedule
Sun, Sep 7 @ Tennesee 10 am
Sun, Sep 14 Buffalo 10 am
Sun, Sep 21 @ Indianapolis 1:15 pm
Sun, Sep 28 Houston 10 am
Sun, Oct 5 Pittsburgh 5:15 pm
Sun, Oct 12 @ Denver 1:05 pm
Sun, Oct 19 BYE
Sun, Oct 26 Cleveland 1 pm
Sun, Nov 2 @ Cinncinati 10 am
Sun, Nov 9 @ Detroit 10 am
Sun, Nov 16 Tennesee 10 am
Sun, Nov 23 Minnesota 10 am
Mon, Dec 1 @ Houston 5:30
Sun, Dec 7 @ Chicago 10 am
Sun, Dec 14 Green Bay 10 am
Thurs, Dec 18 Indianapolis 5:15 pm
Sun, Dec 28 @ Baltimore 10 am

2008 Predictions (13-3)
Sun, Sep 7 @ Tennesee 26-21 Jags W
Sun, Sep 14 Buffalo 30-14 Jags W
Sun, Sep 21 @ Indianapolis 21-19 Colts L
Sun, Sep 28 Houston 28-21 Jags W
Sun, Oct 5 Pittsburgh 32-14 Jags W
Sun, Oct 12 @ Denver 21-20 Jags W
Sun, Oct 19 BYE
Sun, Oct 26 Cleveland 28-21 Jags W
Sun, Nov 2 @ Cinncinati 35-28 Jags W
Sun, Nov 9 @ Detroit 41-10 Jags W
Sun, Nov 16 Tennesee 21-20 Tenn L
Sun, Nov 23 Minnesota 31-20 Jags W
Mon, Dec 1 @ Houston 28-21 Jags W
Sun, Dec 7 @ Chicago 25-24 Bears L
Sun, Dec 14 Green Bay 31-20 Jags W
Thurs, Dec 18 Indianapolis 31-21 Jags W
Sun, Dec 28 @ Baltimore 35-7 Jags W

AFC Playoff Teams/Records
NE 14-2
Jax 13-3
SD 11-5
Tenn 10-6
Indy 10-6
Pitt 8-8

Postseason Schedule/Predictions
WILDCARD
SD/Pitt 28-10 SD
Tenn/Indy 14-28 Indy

DIVISIONAL
Indy/NE 21-28 NE
SD/Jax 17-35 Jax

CONFERENCE
NE/Jax 21-31 Jax

SUPERBOWL
Sea/Jax 35-14 Jax


Okay so I'm a homer, but for right now I'm confident this is the way the year will turn out. And I realize that the schedule was reeased today, and there's a lot of time before the begining of the NFL Season. But I may be updating these predictions, as the season comes closer...

What is a Coach?

A friend, a guiding hand, a leader, a loving presence, a helper, understanding, caring, prayerful. Does that embody a coach. When I think about coaches and coaching I think of Tony Dungy, Bo Schembeckler, Dr. James Naismith, Phog Allen, Vince Lombardi but all of those are sports coaches. What about the BIG GUY? If Jesus was my life coach if I could totally adhere to his way wouldn't it be great... I mean on Monday nights and Saturday mornings I coach soccer, but what values am I portraying... Am I living up to the standards God wanted for me as a man of God., not completely and I can guarantee it, but that is no reason why I shouldn't try my hardest. Sometime either this summer before school starts up or next spring I'm going on a bike/camping trip, who knows how long but God and I need to get closer together for a while. I need to get away from the city and get somewhere that I can hear God clearer... I've got a long way before I take any trip like that though, physically, my knee needs quite a bit of work, but that's why I'll be training as soon as I can... My soccer team did so well on Saturday it was a hard-fought game, oh and the Classic Crime concert was alright wish I knew the songs better... Looks like I'll be up all night once again, might as well just grab a cup of coffee sit on my porch and enjoy the sun, once it starts coming up...

Soccer

Yes It seems as if I'm getting out of my funk, last night I got to bed way early 12:30 awesome, but sadly couldn't stay asleep for more then 3 hours, so I ended up waking up and doing some stuff and getting bck to sleep aroun 5:45 but woke up at 8. I'm so excited about coaching today's soccer game it's our third of the season, and our first week didn't go so well, but last week was crazy good. My new bike will be here today i'm happy about that too. So what's the picture of a coach in your mind? Think on that on one, I'll get back to it in my next post.

Blessings All!

4/10/08

I don't know about today I finally got to sleep last night around 6 am, which sucked, I tried going to bed earlier, but it didn't work, I laid down was in bed for about an hour and couldn't fall asleep so I got up and made the chicken marinade not so bueno... I woke up in a really foul mood today and never really climbed out of it except for about 20 minutes in Ballroom today where we cha-cha'd and merengued. It was alright, I guess when I got there I looked like I wanted to punch someone, and probably it's because I felt like I might... After class I came home and just took time off from the world, checked out my facebook, myspace, and email and then just tried to relax by watching hockey and random ghost shows. I'm losing my feeling of belonging, it was part of my funk today which is still going on... Friends who opened up to me before are barely even saying hello to me now, all within a week, it just changed, which didn't make any sense to me. Well the San Jose Sharks took game two of the seven game series between them and the Calgary Flames, 2-0 excellent shutout by Nabby tonight. So that sereis just became a best-of-five. Game 3 in Calgary on Sunday @ 7, which I won't be watching I'll be at a 'Classic Crime' concert in Oroville @ 6. I've got two open seats you just have to meet me at the Jamba Juice on Forest Ave. at 5 pm, tickets are $10 at the door http://www.myspace.com/theclassiccrime. Tonight was kinda fun, still in my nasty mood (from outta nowhere), but cooking helped, I made some Apple Biscotti, which turned out well, may have done a little better with a bit more apple in the mix... but oh well, the ones that have the right amount are really good. I feel as if I don't belong though, I mean it feels as if I'm outcast at work, because I don't drink majorly, in my major because I love sports so much, in/at sporting events because I'm a music major, In my Bible study because I'm not a girl (which can't/won't change)... Heck even in my own place I don't feel at home or comfortable, one roomate is usually ragging on me, and the other is just so messy that it's not cool. My arm still hurts from yesterday and I'm not even quite sure why, I mean seriously she didn't really dig around, but it just wasn't cool. I think I may actually find some rest tonight. I really, really hope that it comes. It's still a struggle, I guess it may always be that way, the struggle of belonging, the struggle of opening up to a friend. I hope I can bust out of this funk, hopefully sooner than later.

My First Post

So really I'm convinced that I've got insomnia. It didn't cross my mind until Naomi suggested tonight that I might have it. I mean I'm never tired until 4 am, and from there if I'm awake at 4:30 am, then I can't get to sleep. The other night I thought was amazing because I was finally tired at midnight went to bed, and laid in bed for four hours before I fell asleep. I don't know if it's stress that's causing my insomnia, heck I don't even know why I'm writing this now. Oh well it's gonna be an update of my days apparently, instead of texting maybe I'll do this... Today started out alright, class then off to give blood 8:08 from needle in to needle out (would've been quicker but I caught up to the person who started before me, so it took about a minute and a half extra because the nurse was busy), then I came home grabbed a snack checked my email and went to work. Work was alright it wasn't bad, kinda cool actually worked with some good folks, and the new guy seems to be pretty cool, which is good because the reports I was hearing weren't great, then I came back home hung out with my bro, his friends and their daughter (Emma is such a cutie pie), sadly the Sharks lost tonight, but we've got 6 more games, just gotta when 4 of them before the Flames win 3. Then my buddy told me that they were playing soccer at Off-the-Wall at 1 am, so I decided I'd go and cheer them on unfortunately they lost too 13-2, gosh everyone I was rooting for today lost. And now I'm watching crappy movies and thinking about eating some french fries, wish they were animal style, but In-N-Out's closed so there goes that great idea. Ooh chicken sounds good right now too, blackberry? raspberry? I'm not sure what kinda, ooh Lemon-Blackberry, that's gonna be my dinner tomorrow I gotta get the marinade made shortly though. I'm so excited for this summer, I can't wait for SLI being in a new city with different people it's one of my favorite things new cities, new people it's great. But for now I'll watch this random movie (Vertical Limit (2000)) until I'm tired and make my marinade for tomorrow, and then head off to bed around 4 once again.


Prayers for tonight:

• Strength
• Rest
• Focus
• Praise for life
• My Entire Upward Soccer team (Ryan, Josh, AJ, Eduardo, Alvaro, Jeovany, David, Charlie, Wyatt, and Co-Coach Jenny)
• My Monday night Bible Study
• Travels, planned, not yet planned, not yet dreamed of
• SLI