4/10/08

I don't know about today I finally got to sleep last night around 6 am, which sucked, I tried going to bed earlier, but it didn't work, I laid down was in bed for about an hour and couldn't fall asleep so I got up and made the chicken marinade not so bueno... I woke up in a really foul mood today and never really climbed out of it except for about 20 minutes in Ballroom today where we cha-cha'd and merengued. It was alright, I guess when I got there I looked like I wanted to punch someone, and probably it's because I felt like I might... After class I came home and just took time off from the world, checked out my facebook, myspace, and email and then just tried to relax by watching hockey and random ghost shows. I'm losing my feeling of belonging, it was part of my funk today which is still going on... Friends who opened up to me before are barely even saying hello to me now, all within a week, it just changed, which didn't make any sense to me. Well the San Jose Sharks took game two of the seven game series between them and the Calgary Flames, 2-0 excellent shutout by Nabby tonight. So that sereis just became a best-of-five. Game 3 in Calgary on Sunday @ 7, which I won't be watching I'll be at a 'Classic Crime' concert in Oroville @ 6. I've got two open seats you just have to meet me at the Jamba Juice on Forest Ave. at 5 pm, tickets are $10 at the door http://www.myspace.com/theclassiccrime. Tonight was kinda fun, still in my nasty mood (from outta nowhere), but cooking helped, I made some Apple Biscotti, which turned out well, may have done a little better with a bit more apple in the mix... but oh well, the ones that have the right amount are really good. I feel as if I don't belong though, I mean it feels as if I'm outcast at work, because I don't drink majorly, in my major because I love sports so much, in/at sporting events because I'm a music major, In my Bible study because I'm not a girl (which can't/won't change)... Heck even in my own place I don't feel at home or comfortable, one roomate is usually ragging on me, and the other is just so messy that it's not cool. My arm still hurts from yesterday and I'm not even quite sure why, I mean seriously she didn't really dig around, but it just wasn't cool. I think I may actually find some rest tonight. I really, really hope that it comes. It's still a struggle, I guess it may always be that way, the struggle of belonging, the struggle of opening up to a friend. I hope I can bust out of this funk, hopefully sooner than later.