Open Church

I got the opportunity this summer to serve in a ministry that was one of the most amazing things I've ever been apart of. SLI was amazing but I am talking about my Sunday in "A Step Closer" the Recovery Ministry's Sunday worship service. I know that us SLIer's got to share our life stories which was truly a powerful thing, but ASC, really got a hold of me.

ASC is how I envision Sundays to be, in my dreams we are all able to respond to the music, respond to the teaching, asking questions, singing right along and if we feel led to dance. Standing up in front of these folks was just so powerful and awe inspiring. They're Christians they love on their brothers and sisters in Christ they come before the lord and dance undignified in front of him.

It was so powerful when people started standing up and had more personal prayer requests than the normal. I'm not saying that asking for healing from sickness isn't important, but these folks were talking about the unmentionable diseases that have rotted our society. Alcoholism, Dependence on Drugs, sexual addiction, the unmentionables that are just like leprosy in JC's day. When someone becomes dependent on drugs, alcohol, or sexual sin we as a christian community kind of shield ourselves from them. But that should be openly accepted and worked on as one body of believers. If we didn't shame everyone and their sins, would it be so hard to admit them, and to grow from and away from them.

My friends and I towards the end of the summer had a new saying, someone would start the conversation on a deeper level than it had been going then would get shied away from continuing down that path. So if it was a small group or one on one someone would call them out by saying "open church." I got called out many times, as did others. It helped remind us that our lives are not our own, that we need friends and prayer for our lives, and if we are struggling 1 reed is not as strong as 3 or 7 or 10. I believe in the power of being open honest and real with each other, it can not be forced, it must be developed. The friendships at the end of the summer, were just that products of the summer. These were folks who I was beginning to trust, and folks that I would do anything for. On my last night with these folks only one song came into my mind "Gift" now many of you don't know this song, in fact I think I have one of the three or so recordings of this piece, but in it there is a line the goes "I would give my last, my very last breath, to you, to you" It's not a love song of your normal portions it is the love of best friends, the love that's been built over years and years, and the product of forgiving each other in each individual failure and the product of being someone that each individual can rely on for no matter what time of the day or night.

So go forth and practice this, practice loving each other through everything, and personalize open church within your group of friends that you will be able to truly hear everything. And remember not to judge those who lay their lives out there, and don't be afraid when someone calls you out on open church.

May the God of Gods be with you, the lord of lords watch over you, and the king of kings bless you and yours all the days of your life.

Forgiveness

Which sin is greater than the other

• Lying or Murdering
• Stealing or Sexual Sin
• Cheating or Cursing
• Hating or Tearing Down others

Did you come up with a list of 4 that are greater than 4 others, if you did than you are wrong. No sin is greater than another. I am a liar and a cheater, I've cursed and I've hated. I have fallen into sexual sin, I've stolen and I've torn down others. Which of these is the greatest sin. None is greater than another. In God's eyes we are all sinners and we all need healing. I have suffered sexual abuse, for a year and a half I was abused by a man trusted in my school, church and family. And I've come to realize that even though this sin was committed and it's easy for me to say his sin is worse than mine. I've come to realize that no sin is greater. Each sin that we commit is another strike of the hammer on the nail of the cross of Jesus Christ. Every time I earnestly pray for forgiveness I am reminded by the picture of the cross that it's all been paid for, and I've been forgiven.

In the bible it says "You are not your own; you were bought at a price." {Parts of 1 Corinthians 19-20} The price was death on a cross, we are not our own because the price has been paid, what did death on a cross buy, it bought us and not only that but it guaranteed us forgiveness from God. If we are forgiven why is it so hard for us to forgive others.

I can honestly say it is so hard for me to forgive the person on the road, that just cut me off, so hard for me to forgive the employee that doesn't practice honest standards and who doesn't act with integrity, so hard for me to forgive harsh words or hard times, so hard for me to forgive the abuse suffered so long ago. But isn't forgiveness what each person deserves in these situations, we've already established that no sin is greater than another, and they've all been paid for, and that God is willing to forgive us all, and that we should also be willing to forgive others. How many times have I been forgiven by others, forgiven by God. How many times is the love of God brought down upon me by someone who knows I'm hurting because of something I did, and wish I hadn't, or just by God's sufficient grace.

Forgiveness is something that we should all have in our lives, it is something that is one of the greatest gifts from God, and from our fellow beings here on Earth. When i think about forgiveness I think of Jonah and his call to go to Nineveh, yet he runs away to Tarshish. God creates a storm and the sailors toss Jonah overboard after he begs them to do it. God still has a mission for Jonah so he calls on a fish to swallow Jonah and send him back towards Nineveh. Jonah ends up in Nineveh and they turn from their evil ways by the grace of God they change, and God forgives them. Jonah doesn't understand God's grace and forgiveness, even though he was the benefactor of it shortly before God forgives Nineveh. I refer to different things in my life as Nineveh because a lot of times I want to run away from them and I don't want to deal with those areas.

Forgiveness can be one of those areas, I hated issues this summer that I didn't want to forgive, but something changed in me a few nights, when I first dealt with the abuse, I cursed the mans name over and over and over, I questioned God as to why he would allow me to suffer these ills. I questioned why it should happen to anyone. And then a week later I was faced with a new question, whether you had to forget to forgive. I now realize and know that forgetting is not a complete part of the occasion of forgiving. To forgive is to wish well the life of the person who wronged against you. That is a very hard thing to do, to wish well someone who has wronged you. I will never forget the year and a half of sexual abuse I suffered, it is an integral part of my life story, and so much of who I am relates back to that year and a half. But I wish well that man's life, I hope that though he is in prison now he is being blessed by God in an infinite number of ways. I hope in a few years he is blessed measure beyond measure, and that God has a place for him in his kingdom. I know that sooner than we ask for it we are forgiven. Our sins are forgiven already, we are not our own we are bought with a price. We are forgiven and we should forgive others, and if you don't believe me believe the words of Jesus the Christ who paid the price for all of our sins.

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times. {Matthew 18:21-22}

Spend time in prayer tonight ask for your own forgiveness, forgive others for the wrongs committed against you in this life, pray that you would all find the blessing of God in your lives. Jesus is the way the truth and the life. He tells us to forgive over and over and over again. To forgive and never stop forgiving, and to pray that the lord blesses and keeps everyone close to his heart. Forgive the harmless things, and forgive the huge things. Tonight I'll pray for you I'll offer up your lives to the lord that you would be blessed by him so much that you think it's crazy ridiculous but that you also continue to find life in him daily, that through the blessings you never forget God.

May the Lord bless you and protect you. May the Lord smile on you and be gracious to you. May the Lord show you his favor and give you his peace. {Numbers 6:24-26}

The greatest of these...

So the title of this blog, not this entry but the entire blog is "Iussu Amo", or in English "At the Command of Love" Why? I believe that as a christian we should live patiently, kindly, protectfully, trusting, hopeful, perseveringly.


"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophesy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but do not have love, I gain nothing.


Love is PATIENT, Love is KIND. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is SLOW TO ANGER, and keeps NO RECORD of WRONGS. Love does not delight in evil but REJOICES with the TRUTH. It ALWAYS PROTECTS, ALWAYS TRUSTS, ALWAYS HOPES, ALWAYS PERSEVERES.


Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there re tongues, we know they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part, and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I m fully known.


And these three remain, faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is LOVE


So we know that we should love our neighbor as ourself, and love our enemies. But that can be really really hard sometimes, and what is one way to help remember that we should. Living as a Christian in Chico, Ca, can be really difficult at times with the parties night in and night out, and the less than quality behavior of of neighbors. It invites second guessing their choices and it also invites judging them as humans, so what is at least one way to not do that. An effective thing I have learned to apply in my life, is to repeat over and over either outloud, under my breath, or in my head, what love is.

"Love is patient, Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is slow to anger, and keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

I've done this on multiple occasions at work when someone isn't performing as well as I'd like them to. It also helps me when I get frustrated with my closest friends, as to neighbors, they're partiers most of the time, which I'm becoming more and more okay with, but it helps at 3 am just to go over what love is. You may get frustrated, but it'll help to remember that God is love, and if we don't have love we have nothing.

So rejoice in faith, in hope, in kindness, in patience, in love. Leave anger, self-seeking, rudeness, and lists of wrongs behind you.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love {1st Corinthians 13:13}

Halfway through SLI

It doesn't seem likes it has been that long but it totally has. I've been here for five weeks and am just trying to love it still. I thought I'd been settled in for a while, but I miss home and I miss Chico. I mean I could get used to living out here, but I just want to see my buddies, I feel separated from everything at times. I thought my walk would would grow so much more up here, but it hasn't, God and I haven't been on the same page, but there have been good times. Like last weekend I spent most of it in the Bible and in prayer. I love studying the word with no distractions. I mean its just amazing to go through the Bible and study it for days. I'm so excited about the retreat coming up tomorrow I'm going to spend 12 hours engrossed in God's word, and just try to discern what direction I should follow at this point in time.

I'll be in Chico for the first semester next year but at Butte College, and might be back home for the second. It all depends but I just messed some stuff up this past year, and if I do it right in the fall then I'll be fine and stay in Chico for spring. I don't know what else to say, but keep praying for me please. I'm really hoping ya'll are doing well.

Work, New Development, and Baseball

Well the first two go hand in hand, I showed up at work this morning at 10am like I was told would be the norm only to find I was the only intern who'd been told to show up, so that wasn't so cool, but I got to hang with Rosana for a while, and then with Paul, and then a little bit with Alyssa, and then most of my day was spent with Jordan, before my meeting with Alyssa and Stacey in the afternoon. So while I was hanging out with Paul he told me I should go houseboating with the High School group this weekend, and hang with some of the other interns, so I'm leaving tomorrow morning to go on a houseboating trip. Still kinda hard to do a music internship, without a mentor, but oh well, Jake'll be back soon enough and it'll work out. And now I'm listening to the Gold Sox game, which is getting late for the Sox, they're normally over by an hour ago at least, 2, 2 and a half hour games are pretty normal for them, but this one is headed on 4. 13th inning. And you just can't leave the game so far into it. No matter what you have to do the next day. Nick Ramos is 2-3 with 4 walks, 2 singles (one bunt), and a ground out. 14th inning, just barely out at first. 15th inning will hold what... A win for the Gold Sox and now it's bed time, finally...

Summer Home

Well basically it's pretty cool, the family seems to be really nice. and the mom reminds me of my Great Aunt Judy quite a bit. I'm so, nervous and excited to be here. But most of all in awe, of the beauty of this place. It's kind of weird going from a place where there's always noise and little room between you and your neighbor. To a place where there is ample room, and little noise if any, besides the typing on the keyboard. I hear birds, so I know that the world didn't leave me for good. I live right next to a park, but I'm not riding my bike up and down the 8 miles of hills here, but oh well. gotta get settled in.

Update

It's been a while, I think May 14th was my last update. Not much really to update some stress happened got to go see a show back home, Kait was amazing as always. SLI starts for me at least in a week, I move down South on Saturday. I've been able to take multiple hikes in the past few weeks probably up to about 50-75 miles combining all of them. But I move Saturday I'm living with the Greig's so I hope that'll all work out well. I'm nervous. verynervous, but way more excited about this summer and this opportunity.

Struggle

27"But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, 28bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. 29If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also. If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic. 30Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. 31Do to others as you would have them do to you.
32"If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' love those who love them. 33And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' do that. 34And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' lend to 'sinners,' expecting to be repaid in full. 35But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. 36Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.
37"Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. 38Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you."
39He also told them this parable: "Can a blind man lead a blind man? Will they not both fall into a pit? 40A student is not above his teacher, but everyone who is fully trained will be like his teacher.
41"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 42How can you say to your brother, 'Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,' when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.
43"No good tree bears bad fruit, nor does a bad tree bear good fruit. 44Each tree is recognized by its own fruit. People do not pick figs from thornbushes, or grapes from briers. 45The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks.
46"Why do you call me, 'Lord, Lord,' and do not do what I say? 47I will show you what he is like who comes to me and hears my words and puts them into practice. 48He is like a man building a house, who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock. When a flood came, the torrent struck that house but could not shake it, because it was well built. 49But the one who hears my words and does not put them into practice is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. The moment the torrent struck that house, it collapsed and its destruction was complete." -- Luke 6:27-49

How do you struggle and where does your struggle lie with folks that you run into? Personally I struggled with a couple of men who infiltrated my campus on Monday and Tuesday... I still feel violated, my religion was violated, my god was violated, my friends were violated, my fellow students were violated, my heart, mind, and soul violated, my overall being was violated by these two screaming men. Today I got in a small yelling match with one of them, I had heard them condemn people for 2 days, and I needed to voice something. I tried my hardest not to judge and I feel like I did not fully judge them but left it to God, but I know that part of me passed judgement. I was just so emotional over this violation, I told/asked one if he believed that we should leave judging people to God, he told me no, and then called me a hypocrite, because of what I was trying to say. I let him have his piece and then tried to vocalize another portion, but I wasn't allowed, because he was just screaming bashing anyone who had anything to say that differed from his opinion. I think the reason I was saddened the most wasn't the violation I felt, but the fact that as some people walked away I heard them say to their friends and to whoever was on the phone that there was a reason that didn't like christianity, because christians to them were just like that, screaming hell, fire, and brimstone kind of folks. I was glad that my friend put his arm around me, and stood up for me today, thank you Andrew. A woman spoke to me and said it'd be a lot easier if we all just walked on by, and I started talking to her, for less than a minute, and he started calling her a totalitarian Adolf Hitler, so to show my displeasure with him just a little more, and to see if I could ruffle his feathers, I looked at her asked her if I could have a hug, and hugged her...

The verses above just helped me today... Another thing that helped me was the positive reaction to a couple of other christian groups who were on campus, the Tuesday Afternoon question, the Campus Prayer Days table (1 and 2, which went amazingly well) and other random prayer circles like the one held in the free speech area which doubled in size before it was over... And Also calmed down the situation with the screaming men...

Pray for me please, pray that I find willingness to accept God's plan as to a girlfriend or whatever should happen there. Pray that a friendship started in ballroom continues, that my sleepless nights become sleepful, and that I find a place for the summer, well that Paul finds a place for me, but that I hear about it soon...

Tomorrow is huge! So is Tuesday...

So last week the Shasta/Lassen/Craig IV Bible Study decided to have a table for folks to come over and be prayed for on campus. And if they dont want to be prayed for right then, maybe we'll take names and numbers, and go grab coffee sometime, or somethingwho knows how God will lead us... That is about all I'll say for now, 9am-4pm on the Chico State Campus near Glenn Hall. Come get prayed for, or just to hang out. Pray for us too...

Ballroom Dance Night!

Was pretty bomb... I tango'd, cha-cha'd, waltzed, swung, street hustled, fox trot'd, night clubbed, west coasted, and merengued I mean I was a dancing fool. I even mixed it up and danced with two girls at once, which didn't work out too well, but well enough, we got through the entire song so it was pretty cool. I figured out some new stuff which was really cool, because a lot of it was just trying new things. It was crazy fun, I saw a crazy amount of people that I knew, I ddin't know ballroom was so prevalent in the circle I hung with. I think I was on the floor for 23-25 songs which I think is a pretty darn good number. It was really crazy fun and it was pretty crazy, but now I'm wicked sore...

One Week Later

Ugh it feels so long since I've posted on here. Kind of like a week, oh wait that'd be because it's been a week. So much has happened in that week, Upward on Saturday, work, Relay for life, work and then church just for the weekend. And then a week of struggle, pain, shame just a lot of crap.
I guess I should start with Saturday, my team continues to surprise me it's pretty much amazing how cool those kids are. David, Josh, Jeovany, Wyatt, Charlie, Eduardo, Alvaro, AJ, and Ryan a some really amazing kids. After our game, during which I felt like I was about to pass out from overheating, Ryan helped me out during the late game that I was ref-ing. That kid is really amazing, defensively I think he's a genius, he's always always in the right place in the right time. David has improved so much as a soccer player, and is more and more actively participating in the games and practices; honestly it's a challenge with him sometimes, but he's truly a great kid. Heck in the first couple of weeks he was answering questions about God, in ways that I couldn't it was great... Jenny and I have figured out that practices work well when I lead the lesson portion and she leads the devotional, neither of us feel completely competent in our areas but we both go into it with a lot of prayer and it helps amazingly... I want to see if I can get David in on three different periods this weekend. He's played in one for a couple of weeks and two last week, so I want to see if I can get him in and playing for half of the game this time. Wyatt and Charlie work wonderfully together, and Eduardo and Alvaro are crazy on offense, Jeovany that kid is a soccer player, he may be built like a lineman but he is an amazing soccer player... I'm worried about AJ; he's good when he's showing up, but he hasn't been at a game in a few weeks and then hasn't been at practice and apparently hasn't been at his afterschool program either...
Work was alright, I mean it's work right, but I got to work with a lead who knew what they were doing, I hadn't closed with a lead like that in about 4 weeks, it was great, even though it took forever...
Relay for Life was great International Neighbors raised over $600 for Cancer research, I'm so glad. I was also glad to be able to participate, because my Great Uncle had passed away at 65 from Cancer, so I did 6.5 miles in his honor. I love that man Reverend Robert T. Appleby, and he loved us... "I have loved you by telling you the truth." -- Rev. R.T. Appleby
On Sunday I started my new position, well sort of, because that position isn't going to be official until this summer, Training Mentor, I started the newbie on her training which was prety darn cool... And on Monday I started as a CSO, Certified Sampling Officer; Robe and all...
Church was alright, I mean it wasn't great, I found some truth in what was said, but I didn't find myself being in the right place to find God on Sunday night.
Monday was crazy, I had school, then ran from school to work, from work to pick up some kids, then to soccer, then to the north side of town to drop off a kid, and down to the south side of town to pick up someone for Bible Study and back to the middle of town for Bible study, South again to drop someone off, and then finally home. But the rest of Monday was the impression that was really placed on me, I was fully under attack on Monday night. It got sooo bad, I ended up taking a walk at 1am, and ended up at Craig Hall, and then hung out with a friend, until 3am, and finally made it home around 4am... it was just not a good night... Tuesday night was much of the same, and it was another scary night... On Wednesday Jamba got a new menu board which was a really long close, it was kinda crazy, just that it took forever to do it... Working around people, I'm trying to clean the store while they're trying to fix the menu board, which looks nice. Really ya'll should check out the Forest Ave. Jamba from 2-9 tomorrow just for the menu board.
I finally had a night off last night, which was great because I was really tired from school, work and just everything, so Lian and I hung out after Ballroom, up until she had to be at school for her small group stuff, and I had to be at Augies for Large Group set-up... We learned a bit of West coast on Thursday in dance it was pretty much amazing. Large group was pretty good, so was dinner, next week I'm trying out Sweet Pineapple Tamales, hopefully they'll be great, because it totally looked like it was gonna be great, but I stuck with the pork... I think I'm gonna have one Beef, and one Pineapple. Ooh I love thursday night market...
Today was pretty much amazing. I went to class, then came home and relaxed for quite a bit before dinner with my parents, brother, sister, and a buddy Jarod who's birthday it was. Came home and watched the Sharks in game 5, steal one from the Stars. I gotta be honest after the 2nd period I was about ready to shave my face because it looked pretty hopeless, it was 2-0 after the first two. And the Sharks stormed back in the third with 2 goals and then an overtime goal by Joe Pavelski to take the game, now we trail by only one game in the series which is pretty great after being down 0-3. Game 6 is on Sunday at 6, which kind of sucks because church is right then too, and I've got friends coming with me on Sunday... Oh well church is outside so I'll be checking out the scores during the game, I know what's wrong with me, I'll be respectful and only sneak a check in the scores, plus it was described as more of a baptism and a bunch of worship music, rather than a full church service...
Alright well a coach and a ref needs rest, so I think I'm going to try and hit the sack, but knowing me I'll be up until at least 4am, man I just pray for this community tonight the sirens have been going off all night, and it is just a lot of activity.

Oh new baby in the family Marcus J. Appleby born on Monday 6 lbs. A new baby in the house my buddy resides Genevieve Hosanna Grace Lynch... Plus Shawn Aaron Wun is now a month old. Another praise of all these births is that these children were born into loving christian families. I'm so excited for John and Jo with the birth of their second child Marcus, Dan and Mischa with their second child Genevieve, and Aaron and Kimberley with the birth of their third child Shawn. I don't think I know anyone else who's prego, so I think I'm alright on birth announcements for right now, but if God is blessing another family with another child right now I hope that they welcome that child with open arms and an amazing amount of prayer...

Friendship...

I called it a bad word earlier today, didn't want to hear it at all... But I guess it's an alright word... It just seems so final when you're chasing after a girl and she gives you the friend card, it can hurt... But really shouldn't our truest and deepest relationships be based on Friendship. I'm sure my folks describe each other as friends, my Bro and his wife friends, my grandparents -friends. So it looks to me as if friendship is more of a determining factor than dating... Heck with dating you're trying to impress the person still, you're giving this not entirely true sense of who you are, you're not exactly yourself. But when are we ourselves, I'd say when we're hanging out with friends, and when the friendship is deepened to a relationship it doesn't necessarily mean a romantic relationship... It just means that those two people in the friendship/relationship are there for each other no matter what, and I guess if that's a relationship, then I'm in well, it's gonna take a while to count it all out. I must be in 7 or 8 relationships, maybe more, but really what started out in all of those, friendship (okay all except one, which was a date and then we quickly went into friendship for reasons beyond my control)... This overwhelming theme in any of my true relationships is friendship. I'd say I have a relationship with many people, in Chico, back home, God willing I'll cultivate friendships and hopefully relationships in Palo Alto this summer.

So if there's friendship, that's the person you see every once in a while you like being with them and talking with them, and what not; but after a while when you are able to go (grow) deeper in your conversations, your understanding, your random hangout times, when you know you can call that person out on something they're not doing right, and totally would be alright with them doing the same to you. You can't force a romantic relationship, and really you can't force a true relationship. But honestly we should all strive to be not just another friend. Of course we fail sometimes, but truly being sorry about those times that we struggle, and fight, and fail. When we can't be there for a friend, that is when we must try harder...

I had a few friends over for dinner tonight, and after most of them left, one of them had stayed and we talked for a little bit... I like her and it's plain obvious, but by listening to her as a friend, and hearing her honest request for just a friendship. The word wasn't such a dirty word anymore... All it takes is time to develop a relationship from a friendship, and really honestly a friendly relationship is at least ten times more rewarding than something that is strictly romantic...

Now I'm not saying that there's no place for romance, or whatever, I'm just saying that we should be content with what we have. And that if it's God's will to change something it'll happen (another thing on that though is we have to be willing to hear God, because when he has to hit you with a 2x4 it ain't gonna be pretty, but if we can catch the whisper, it'll be that much better)... How many of you have prayed for guidance from God today? In the past week? Month? Year? How about prayed earnestly for someone else in your life? Did you pray for a romantic relationship and wonder why it didn't work? (I have) What if we prayed for a friendship? What if that was the goal? A relationship, based upon friendship... That to me is an amazing thought... I feel as if we're too busy searching for that next romance, or that next car, job, degree... And sometimes we're dreading as we search for those things, too busy focusing on the end, the next birthday, death... Then to focus on the journey with Christ and our friends, the relationships developed with those friends, and how/what our hearts are truly focused on.

So instead of listing prayers tonight, I'm going to ask you a couple of questions and suggest you think on those for prayers tonight:

• Did anyone tell you they weren't doing well today? Pray for them
• Did anyone seem to really care about you today? Pray for them
• Where was your heart today? Pray for it
• Where is God leading you? Pray for guidance
• Was there someone who could have cared less about you? Pray for them

One of my favorite ways to read the Bible is to sit down, close my eyes, and open to a random page and read what I find, amazingly enough almost every time I do that I find something so wonderfully comforting, sometimes, an awesome challenge. But EVERY single time I open it up like that I know I'm loved if not by anyone on Earth, by God in heaven, and honestly Earthly love or Heavenly love... I'm down for the Heavenly love any day of the week...

Dinner

Darn my cooking music... I always cook to love songs I don't know why, but I do, so I've been blaring the standards all morning, because I've been in and out of the kitchen all day. But now it's kinda depressing, not really, it's actually kind of funny, because Ol' Blue Eyes, is saying exactly what I was thinking not too long ago...

I tried out a new recipe to go with dinner tonight, and it's bad so, there's gonna be none of that... It was a good idea, but not well executed?

So the plan I heard was I'm going to be living with a family from PBC, which'll be a bit different for me, not because I'm not used to family living, but I'm gonna have to be more considerate of others, up here I pretty much run the show, but I'm going to be in a new situation, I think I'm gonna try to find out all the rules real quick, and stick to them... Does this mean I'll have to check in with my host family? I haven't had to do that since well June '07, and even then it was a hey I'll be at Kait's I don't know how long, but that's where I'm at...

I thought last night went well, it did, but apparently it's the dreaded F word, that I hate sometimes... I just wanna be F's; I hate the word and ya'll will laugh at me when you figure out what it is...

So Burgers for dinner tonight, a couple of them have a nice kick to them, and the other ones could use a bit of a kick, I gotta make a couple more though, just to be on the safe side... I've got 7 done, but I think I should make about 10 patties total... that should be good... Alright back to the kitchen, who knows when I'll be on next, let's hope we have a good soccer game tomorrow...

Amazing Grace, Game 7, and Tough Decisions

"Amazing grace how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me,
I once was lost but now am found
Was blind but now I see" -- John Newton

What an incredible thought, and realization that this song, these words could speak to so many people, no matter race, gender, creed. It is astonishing that God would grant us this Grace, that as said in the movie Amazing Grace, "I remember two things, ONE that I am a great sinner, and TWO that Christ is the Great Saviour" (choose your particular favored spelling of saviour).

I just realized something, totally off track from all of my thoughts but it was so wonderful I had to stop for a little while. The sound of silence... I'm not normally a fan of silence, but for some reason this is a comforting one, I'm able to hear my thoughts clearly, no background room mate noises, just the hum of the fridge, (which I could do without, but right now it's letting me know the power is still on so it's alright)...

"And you cry
My Child, my child
My child, my child,
My child, my child
I have forgiven you" -- Sean Jones (can I attribute something to myself; oh well just did)

Game 7 was great tonight Sharks jumped out to a 1-0 lead lost it but fought back with 4 straight to take the lead at 5-2, only a late goal got the Flames to a 5-3 game... JR had 2 goals and 2 assists tonight what a great game... It was such a great game though, if I lived in Montreal I might burn a police car, but I live in Chico, and we don't do that for the first round of the playoffs here... (Aw come on take the joke)...

Tough Decisions, I don't know where I'm going to be next year, my original plan was to come back to Chico, after my internship was up, but really I don't know if I'm going to be at Chico State, Butte College, or Yuba College (the last is if I move home which is a possibility)... I realize there's that point when you leave your folks house and grow up, but honestly I probably should've stayed in Marysville this year. I'm so glad I've made many friends up here in Chico, but just wish that I'd have been more careful with some of the decisions I've made. So I think I'm going to end up in Marysville, with my folks going to Yuba, hopefully with a job at my old store, or possibly at a Starbucks or some coffee shop down there, maybe both...

BUT
To focus on the positive for right now, I'm getting excited over a dinner at mi casa on Friday, maybe we'll sneak in a little hockey, while we're at it, because I hope these folks understand my love for that team. Health news I worked most of my shift today, sent home early due to the rain, and the fact that I'm not really available on Tuesdays or Mondays for that matter. My back is doing alright still in pain, but better. Maybe I can get my bro to buy us tickets to one of the Sharks Playoff Games coming up, I'd be down for a game on his dollar... So excited for Friday, second round of playoffs, and SLI! Oh I'm sure I can wait, but MAH! I don't want to, what'd be even greater is when SLI starts, the Sharks would still be in the hunt for the CUP! Although I don't know if that's how I want to meet people for the first time, hyped up on hockey it could be worse... couldn't it.

SLI Question

An interesting question was posed to me today by one of the guys in charge of SLI this summer, I have plenty of time to think on it. The question...

"What do I hope for from SLI this summer?"

I hope, I hope that God will show me more of his plan for my life. I hope that I adjust to the 70-90 degree weather and don't miss the 115 degree 7pm Gold Sox Baseball Games. I hope that I will have a lot of fun with new faces and a new place. I'm hoping that a change of pace, something new and different and challenging, will be beneficial to me, and that I can take these challenges and grow as a Christian. I hope that my health does not interfere with my position. I'm so amazed at the fact that God has granted me this opportunity. I could go on but I'd end up singing, and my room mates would look at me pretty funny if I randomly burst into a song, although by now they should be used to it...


PRAYERS

• Health; haven't been able to stand for more than 10 minutes today.
• Dad's job, starting tomorrow.
• Possible Relationship, that God works his way in my life.
• Class Scheduling; and possible new major.
• Mom's interview on Thursday.
• Hopefully insurance by the end of the summer.

Tonight

Was really good, I think... In fact my entire day was good, I got up took a bike ride, got home watched Monk, prayed, messed around online for a while, then headed out for another ride, played Ultimate at 4, came home showered ate some food, and headed off to pick folks up for Cat's party. My buddy was having issues but they seem to be semi resolved, hopefully they are completely resolved shortly... Tonight's party was just really fun, soccer, wrestling, apples to apples, golf (card game), Egyptian Rat slap (or whatever name you choose for it), spit (another card game), war, and since I lost almost everyone of those games to Aimee, she got all the spoils... Also I found out tonight that I'm going to be a CSO (Certified Sampling O...) at Jamba, which I'm not sure if it means pay increase I hope so, but it does mean that have to be on a conference call in the morning. So just a short round before I go...

"Good night to you all,
And sweet be your sleep,
May silence surround you,
Your slumber be deep,
Good night, good night,
Good night, good night"

Thurs

So this whole Bike/camping weekend will be harder than I thought, but that's why I'm starting to get into shape now, I cramped up a bit today, but just on the ride home. IV was wonderful, PLUS the SHARKS TOOK GAME 5 so it's a 3-2 Series lead for the SHARKS! I'm debating becoming a part of the servantship team of Intervarsity, it's gonna be some crazy prayer these next two weeks to figure out where God wants me. And now I'm watching re-runs of Parking Wars, ya'll should try it some time. Ooh and my buddies stuff tomorrow night cool-cool, Ultimate at 4, bike ride in the morning I'm gonna rock it...

Randomness!

So today was pretty good, although I should've found a place to crash at Craig last night considering I almost fell asleep a couple of times on my ride home, my maybe 5 minute ride home if I half to stop at every light. But I got home and got 14 hours of sleep, my gosh sleep is so wonderful and for the first time in a very long time I was out before 11, unfortunately I went to bed so quickly I didn't set my alarm so I didn't go to class today. I think I'm gonna get to the health center tomorrow or Thurs, maybe they'll give me something to knock me out.

Between 1 and 2 I decided I was going to go home and visit my folks get out of the area that is Chico, and be with my folks. It's becoming really hard on them, my dad is completely done with Landshark, which puts them at my mom's income which will stop in August, because her company lost the contract these are really crazy times, and scary times. I mean they're frantically searching for jobs, but my mom can't take too much of a pay cut right now, because she's supporting both of them. They figured out taxes and my dad only made $200 more than I did last year when I worked part-time at Jamba Juice, and he worked full-time delivering auto parts, so when the rear-end froze on my dad's truck he said f*** it (most likely not a direct quote, but knowing dad when his car breaks down) and ended his relationship with Landshark. Also my Sister-in-law Yvette lost her job on Monday, they called her into the office gave her a paycheck, vacation pay, and a bonus, because they had to downsize, but at least that equaled a months pay.

Hey! Sharks won tonight, came down from a 2-1 deficit late in the game to win 3-2 and to tie the series at 2 games a piece. So much fun watching hockey and being more at freedom to yell about it, living above the manager has made me a quieter guy when it comes to sports. Or at least it's tried to...

Now to the randomness so I decided to check out different blogs to see what everyone was interested in, just hit the next blog link at the top of the page (after you've read my blog of course) and see what else is out there. There's a 70 year old woman traveling the country, an American woman living in Taiwan teaching there, a lot of photographers, artists, designers, one had a picture of a KOA campground checklist, another of a license plate that say "WTF M8" it's CA registered so look for it it's on a black BMW, Ancient historical sites... If you think random people are interesting hit the next blog button...

My mom is realizing how much I love to cook, and loved the Apple Biscotti I made last week. It's such a stress reliever and can be a really fun time. Like the chicken last week, the biscotti, I don't know what's next. I hope the the fam I live with this summer let's me cook at least once a week.

PRAISES!

• Laura is home, she's back with her family, not living in Chat, with Coke users...
• Sleep
• Good time with family today/tonight
• Talking to my buddy Sarah

PRAYERS

• Laura being home
• More sleep
• Sarah and her family
• My mom and dad

CONCERNS

• Kaity
• My mom and dad
• Drew Kerns and his journey to Africa with AIA
• Ben Towne completed phase two of cancer treatment
• Logan working on phase 3
• Friends with new Beau's, old Beau's, and everywhere inbetween
• Insomnia

2008 Jacksonville Jaguars Schedule and Predictions

2008 Schedule
Sun, Sep 7 @ Tennesee 10 am
Sun, Sep 14 Buffalo 10 am
Sun, Sep 21 @ Indianapolis 1:15 pm
Sun, Sep 28 Houston 10 am
Sun, Oct 5 Pittsburgh 5:15 pm
Sun, Oct 12 @ Denver 1:05 pm
Sun, Oct 19 BYE
Sun, Oct 26 Cleveland 1 pm
Sun, Nov 2 @ Cinncinati 10 am
Sun, Nov 9 @ Detroit 10 am
Sun, Nov 16 Tennesee 10 am
Sun, Nov 23 Minnesota 10 am
Mon, Dec 1 @ Houston 5:30
Sun, Dec 7 @ Chicago 10 am
Sun, Dec 14 Green Bay 10 am
Thurs, Dec 18 Indianapolis 5:15 pm
Sun, Dec 28 @ Baltimore 10 am

2008 Predictions (13-3)
Sun, Sep 7 @ Tennesee 26-21 Jags W
Sun, Sep 14 Buffalo 30-14 Jags W
Sun, Sep 21 @ Indianapolis 21-19 Colts L
Sun, Sep 28 Houston 28-21 Jags W
Sun, Oct 5 Pittsburgh 32-14 Jags W
Sun, Oct 12 @ Denver 21-20 Jags W
Sun, Oct 19 BYE
Sun, Oct 26 Cleveland 28-21 Jags W
Sun, Nov 2 @ Cinncinati 35-28 Jags W
Sun, Nov 9 @ Detroit 41-10 Jags W
Sun, Nov 16 Tennesee 21-20 Tenn L
Sun, Nov 23 Minnesota 31-20 Jags W
Mon, Dec 1 @ Houston 28-21 Jags W
Sun, Dec 7 @ Chicago 25-24 Bears L
Sun, Dec 14 Green Bay 31-20 Jags W
Thurs, Dec 18 Indianapolis 31-21 Jags W
Sun, Dec 28 @ Baltimore 35-7 Jags W

AFC Playoff Teams/Records
NE 14-2
Jax 13-3
SD 11-5
Tenn 10-6
Indy 10-6
Pitt 8-8

Postseason Schedule/Predictions
WILDCARD
SD/Pitt 28-10 SD
Tenn/Indy 14-28 Indy

DIVISIONAL
Indy/NE 21-28 NE
SD/Jax 17-35 Jax

CONFERENCE
NE/Jax 21-31 Jax

SUPERBOWL
Sea/Jax 35-14 Jax


Okay so I'm a homer, but for right now I'm confident this is the way the year will turn out. And I realize that the schedule was reeased today, and there's a lot of time before the begining of the NFL Season. But I may be updating these predictions, as the season comes closer...

What is a Coach?

A friend, a guiding hand, a leader, a loving presence, a helper, understanding, caring, prayerful. Does that embody a coach. When I think about coaches and coaching I think of Tony Dungy, Bo Schembeckler, Dr. James Naismith, Phog Allen, Vince Lombardi but all of those are sports coaches. What about the BIG GUY? If Jesus was my life coach if I could totally adhere to his way wouldn't it be great... I mean on Monday nights and Saturday mornings I coach soccer, but what values am I portraying... Am I living up to the standards God wanted for me as a man of God., not completely and I can guarantee it, but that is no reason why I shouldn't try my hardest. Sometime either this summer before school starts up or next spring I'm going on a bike/camping trip, who knows how long but God and I need to get closer together for a while. I need to get away from the city and get somewhere that I can hear God clearer... I've got a long way before I take any trip like that though, physically, my knee needs quite a bit of work, but that's why I'll be training as soon as I can... My soccer team did so well on Saturday it was a hard-fought game, oh and the Classic Crime concert was alright wish I knew the songs better... Looks like I'll be up all night once again, might as well just grab a cup of coffee sit on my porch and enjoy the sun, once it starts coming up...

Soccer

Yes It seems as if I'm getting out of my funk, last night I got to bed way early 12:30 awesome, but sadly couldn't stay asleep for more then 3 hours, so I ended up waking up and doing some stuff and getting bck to sleep aroun 5:45 but woke up at 8. I'm so excited about coaching today's soccer game it's our third of the season, and our first week didn't go so well, but last week was crazy good. My new bike will be here today i'm happy about that too. So what's the picture of a coach in your mind? Think on that on one, I'll get back to it in my next post.

Blessings All!

4/10/08

I don't know about today I finally got to sleep last night around 6 am, which sucked, I tried going to bed earlier, but it didn't work, I laid down was in bed for about an hour and couldn't fall asleep so I got up and made the chicken marinade not so bueno... I woke up in a really foul mood today and never really climbed out of it except for about 20 minutes in Ballroom today where we cha-cha'd and merengued. It was alright, I guess when I got there I looked like I wanted to punch someone, and probably it's because I felt like I might... After class I came home and just took time off from the world, checked out my facebook, myspace, and email and then just tried to relax by watching hockey and random ghost shows. I'm losing my feeling of belonging, it was part of my funk today which is still going on... Friends who opened up to me before are barely even saying hello to me now, all within a week, it just changed, which didn't make any sense to me. Well the San Jose Sharks took game two of the seven game series between them and the Calgary Flames, 2-0 excellent shutout by Nabby tonight. So that sereis just became a best-of-five. Game 3 in Calgary on Sunday @ 7, which I won't be watching I'll be at a 'Classic Crime' concert in Oroville @ 6. I've got two open seats you just have to meet me at the Jamba Juice on Forest Ave. at 5 pm, tickets are $10 at the door http://www.myspace.com/theclassiccrime. Tonight was kinda fun, still in my nasty mood (from outta nowhere), but cooking helped, I made some Apple Biscotti, which turned out well, may have done a little better with a bit more apple in the mix... but oh well, the ones that have the right amount are really good. I feel as if I don't belong though, I mean it feels as if I'm outcast at work, because I don't drink majorly, in my major because I love sports so much, in/at sporting events because I'm a music major, In my Bible study because I'm not a girl (which can't/won't change)... Heck even in my own place I don't feel at home or comfortable, one roomate is usually ragging on me, and the other is just so messy that it's not cool. My arm still hurts from yesterday and I'm not even quite sure why, I mean seriously she didn't really dig around, but it just wasn't cool. I think I may actually find some rest tonight. I really, really hope that it comes. It's still a struggle, I guess it may always be that way, the struggle of belonging, the struggle of opening up to a friend. I hope I can bust out of this funk, hopefully sooner than later.

My First Post

So really I'm convinced that I've got insomnia. It didn't cross my mind until Naomi suggested tonight that I might have it. I mean I'm never tired until 4 am, and from there if I'm awake at 4:30 am, then I can't get to sleep. The other night I thought was amazing because I was finally tired at midnight went to bed, and laid in bed for four hours before I fell asleep. I don't know if it's stress that's causing my insomnia, heck I don't even know why I'm writing this now. Oh well it's gonna be an update of my days apparently, instead of texting maybe I'll do this... Today started out alright, class then off to give blood 8:08 from needle in to needle out (would've been quicker but I caught up to the person who started before me, so it took about a minute and a half extra because the nurse was busy), then I came home grabbed a snack checked my email and went to work. Work was alright it wasn't bad, kinda cool actually worked with some good folks, and the new guy seems to be pretty cool, which is good because the reports I was hearing weren't great, then I came back home hung out with my bro, his friends and their daughter (Emma is such a cutie pie), sadly the Sharks lost tonight, but we've got 6 more games, just gotta when 4 of them before the Flames win 3. Then my buddy told me that they were playing soccer at Off-the-Wall at 1 am, so I decided I'd go and cheer them on unfortunately they lost too 13-2, gosh everyone I was rooting for today lost. And now I'm watching crappy movies and thinking about eating some french fries, wish they were animal style, but In-N-Out's closed so there goes that great idea. Ooh chicken sounds good right now too, blackberry? raspberry? I'm not sure what kinda, ooh Lemon-Blackberry, that's gonna be my dinner tomorrow I gotta get the marinade made shortly though. I'm so excited for this summer, I can't wait for SLI being in a new city with different people it's one of my favorite things new cities, new people it's great. But for now I'll watch this random movie (Vertical Limit (2000)) until I'm tired and make my marinade for tomorrow, and then head off to bed around 4 once again.


Prayers for tonight:

• Strength
• Rest
• Focus
• Praise for life
• My Entire Upward Soccer team (Ryan, Josh, AJ, Eduardo, Alvaro, Jeovany, David, Charlie, Wyatt, and Co-Coach Jenny)
• My Monday night Bible Study
• Travels, planned, not yet planned, not yet dreamed of
• SLI